Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Chosen.

I like opening up the notification bar from Facebook that says, "On this day" which then gives a list of posts and/or pictures that I may have shared or that others shared with me. I love to look back on the  memories.  But I especially love when I come across a post that I may have set a goal to reach or said a will that evidently sent me down the path to which it was breathe to life.

"As he thinketh in his heart, so his he"
Proverbs said it best.

It is nothing new for me to blog about the battles I've faced. About the circumstances that brought me to where I am today or how my mind set has changed. This post is no different other than the fact this will probably be more cumbersome for me . But due to the cumulative effect of toxicity between people who I assumed would love and show acceptance toward the other, turns out to be less than endearing.  I admit I tend to lose patience . I tend to create scenarios in my head of what ifs. Though I battle with my own inner demons it's harder to be forced to go into battle with another individuals demon (s). It is also heartbreaking to think they're losing the fight.  I have learned to love myself more and see how my mind can become manipulated by lifes stipulations.  I am seeing my life as the potter sees clay.  Every decision either paves the way of destruction or completion ; however,  there will be lessons in whatever we choose.  Every year I grow;  my eyes open to different perspectives. Unfortunately, not everyones eyes do the same. I fear for the road ahead; for my children and their children's children.  How will it be for them? I know all I can do is be the best I can  as a mother and guide them but the path is ultimately up to them. I know other influential entities will create obstacles that they will be forced to go into battle with.  I just pray they won't become consumed by how the world would have them but how God would have.  As for me, I won't force feed religion or anything else that may compromise  who they truly are. I know I won't agree on some matters but my love will not cease to emerge through frustration nor will I refuse to accept certain choices they make. Again,  the path is their own.   This is how I see Christ to be. Despite the fact that I'm a sinner and may make decisions he would rather me not to,  he still loves and accepts me because he knows my heart. I believe with each bad choice I make he goes in mercifully to steer me back down the path of completion.  It's a quite battle within us, to choose to make the right decisions but we have the opportunity to be redirected.  I wish those toxic people in my life could see it as such. 

I've dealt with some major issues in life. In the past I was consumed in such toxicity. It was not until I chose to be redirected.  I chose to not stop where I was but instead take grasp of where I will be. Now, that I've chosen , I am intolerant to those who would rather scold, condemn, control and devalue me regarding my choices.  Especially when it does not impose on anyone.  My identity is not found in them. I know who holds me and who helps me rise above. I know that I set the example for my children and I would not do anything that I would not wish them to because I know what I've endured. I will not hold it against them for being who they are. The path you choose will ultimately  change you. It will devour you and spit you out; wheeling you toward another direction until you take ahold and responsibility of your choices.  Until you figure out which path is which. I chose not to take the path of least resistance because I'll never learn if so. I wouldn't grasp who I was; instead believe what others say of me. I would lay witness to my own destruction.  It's hard to have to go down certain paths alone but it also strengthens.   I would not be here today if I chose to stop when I approached the fork in the road.  The path  I chose and will continue on is of my own will. I encourage myself everyday to press on and emerge with Love, with Hope, and with Faith. I refuse to quit when quiting seems to be the easiest way out. My completion is not yet. My journey is not over.




Semi colon project